New York City Masala

Beautiful People

2011-10-13T21:07:00.000-04:00

Saturn Devouring One of His Children

2011-10-04T21:56:00.000-04:00

I much prefer this one to Goya's version. I saw it hanging in a stairwell in the Prado and it took my breath away.

Observation #26

2011-09-21T11:14:00.001-04:00

I'm almost sure that musicals are created especially for the enjoyment of gay people.

Great Scott! The Nike Mag

2011-09-19T23:10:00.005-04:00

The Nike Air MAG (aka the Marty McFly) has captured every eye in the sneaker community within the past few days. Michael J. Fox appeared on David Letterman recently with some details regarding this highly anticipated release, and 1,500 pairs were just auctioned on eBay. All of the proceeds went to the Michael J. Fox Foundation.

[courtesy of www.nicekicks.com]

These are super dope but I would never wear them in public. Neither would I consider the ridiculous price tag to wear them in private. Still, super dope.

Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps

2011-09-19T22:20:00.005-04:00

So I don't normally advertise products in this forum or in general, but this is a great one. If you don't use it, you've probably seen or walked past it in Whole Foods, Fairway, or some other organics-centric market. I've used the almond (which sort of smells like marzipan) and lavender, but just bought the citrus orange this weekend which is delightful! The soap is totally biodegradable and vegetable-based, meaning it doesn't contain any animal fat/tallow. It's also certified fair trade and made with organic oils. It smells nice and clean and apparently has 18 basic uses, diluted and undiluted. They include body wash, mouthwash, laundry detergent, light house cleaning, a fruit and vegetable rinse, and deodorant. Simply put, it's good shit. Now my point, contrary to what it probably seems like so far, is not to encourage you to buy this soap. Here's my point: I bought a new variation of the soap ("flavor," as I like to incorrectly call it), over the weekend. For some reason, this was the first time I looked at the label. The website describes the labels as "Dr. Bronner's philosophy," and describes that philosophy as an "urgent message to realize our transcendent unity across religious and ethnic divides." But actually looking at the labels makes me think this dude was a complete nut, and then makes me question my decision to buy this soap. I'll still buy it, but shit these labels are weird.

The Old Guitarist

2011-09-16T11:27:00.002-04:00

This is one of my favorite paintings. I like hanging it horizontally, so the old man's head is on the right side of the canvas. Picasso is one of many proofs to my theory about the unmistakable relationship between supreme creativity and our concept of insanity, framed by social and cultural definitions. I'll expound on that when I'm in a more motivated state of mind.

South Asian Massive

2011-09-15T11:39:00.001-04:00

I just discovered this segment on MTV called Roots, which features music that has some sort of South Asian influence. I checked out the website and it seems like a good mix of traditional Hindustani music, Indian fusion, straight up rock/blues/alternative made by brown people, and some lame Desi-wanna-be-American stuff. In any case, I think it's pretty sick that 1) South Asian music has become culturally pervasive to the point where it's played on a mainstream, worldwide music channel, and 2) that MTV has a show that actually plays music. Fuck you, Jersey Shore!

Check out Shankar Tucker on this week's episode [Friday @ 8:30pm]. He's dope!

The Felt Shape of a Human Life

2011-09-13T21:43:00.000-04:00

“Whenever someone who knows you disappears, you lose one version of yourself. Yourself as you were seen, as you were judged to be. Lover or enemy, mother or friend, those who know us construct us, and their several knowings slant the different facets of our characters like a diamond-cutter's tools. Our lives disconnect and reconnect, we move on, and later we may again touch one another, again bounce away. This is the felt shape of a human life, neither simply linear nor wholly disjunctive nor endlessly bifurcating, but rather this bouncey-castle sequence of bumpings-into and tumblings-apart.”

-Salman Rushdie [The Ground Beneath Her Feet]

Who Hates Best

2011-09-12T00:02:00.002-04:00

"If I was bound for hell, let it be hell. No more false heavens. No more damned magic. You hate me and I hate you. We’ll see who hates best. But first, first I will destroy your hatred. Now. My hate is colder, stronger, and you’ll have no hate to warm yourself. You will have nothing." -Jean Rhys

Wildness, Uncontained (Observation #25)

2011-09-11T22:34:00.010-04:00

There's an energy in me that I'm not sure how to describe, or contain. It's a wildness that I try to unleash at a pace and to a degree that I think is acceptable to people, because I realize that not everyone has this in them. Or maybe they do, but it looks different. But I don't think so. I think it's something that a very small percentage of people can tap into, and then begin to understand how to wield and tackle, and sometimes tame. It's a kind of unhinged passion, a trace of madness. It comes out in little ways -- laughter that borders on maniacal when I don't make an effort to mitigate it; needing to take time to catch my breath when I listen to certain kinds of music because I feel filled to the brim with something I can't explain; I smirk or shake my head or pop my eyes open when I read on the train because I'm flagrantly blown away by the skillful manipulation of language; the way I consume life-giving things like water and fruit is voracious -- I gulp and devour and ravage; the sounds I generate to express satisfaction and pleasure are shameless, tumultuous. Sometimes it's quiet and calm, thrashing under the surface. Sometimes it blazes from my eyes and pours out in a hot fury -- startling, frantic, vicious. If you haven't seen this thing in me, you're safe. But then you're probably missing out on the best part.

Genius Child

2011-09-07T00:23:00.002-04:00

This is a song for the genius child.
Sing it softly, for the song is wild.
Sing it softly as ever you can -
Lest the song get out of hand.
Nobody loves a genius child.
Can you love an eagle,
Tame or wild?
Can you love an eagle,
Wild or tame?
Can you love a monster
Of frightening name?
Nobody loves a genius child.
Kill him - and let his soul run wild.

-Langston Hughes

Dhun in Raag Mishra Pilu

2011-09-07T00:17:00.004-04:00

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://shankartucker.bandcamp.com/track/dhun-in-raga-mishra-pilu"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;quot;Dhun in Raga Mishra Pilu&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;quot; by Shankar Tucker&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

This is a northern Indian khayal with clarinet, sitar, and tablas in raaga mishra pilu (one of few raagas that can be played any time of day). Classical Indian music generally starts slow and builds up throughout the piece (which is the beauty of it), but start around 4:24 if you just want to get a feel for the raaga without the alaap, etc.

Shiva in Lotus

2011-09-06T00:07:00.003-04:00

[Marble statue of Lord Shiva at dawn, meditating on the banks of the Ganga River - Rishikesh, India]

Yusef Komunyakaa

2011-09-05T20:08:00.003-04:00

Not enough people know who this man is. In the '80s, he developed this brand of poetry that combined jazz rhythm/syncopation with modern, colloquial language and some ridiculous imagery. I'm going to resist the urge to bold and underline the lines that make my eyes pop open. Getcha mind blown:

Safe Subjects

How can love heal

the mouth shut this way?

Say something worth breath.

Let is surface, recapitulate

how fat leeches press down gently

on the sex goddesses eyelids.

Let truth have its way with us

like a fishhook holds

to life, holds dearly to nothing

worth saying -- pull it out,

bringing with it hard facts,

knowledge that the fine underbone

of hope is also attached

to inner self, underneath it all.

Undress. No, don't be afraid

even to get Satan mixed up in this

acknowledgment of thorns:

meaning there's madness

in the sperm, in the egg,

fear breathing in its blood sac,

true accounts not so easily

written off the sad book.

Say something about pomegranates.

Say something about real love.

Yes, true love - more than

parted lips, than parted legs

in sorrow's darkroom of potash

& blues. Let the brain stumble

from its hiding place, from its cell block,

to the edge of oblivion

to come to itself, sharp-tongued

as a boar's grin in summer moss

where a vision rides the back

of God, at this masquerade.

Redemptive as a straight razor

against a jugular vein -

unacknowledged & unforgiven.

It's truth we're after here,

hurting for, out in the streets

where my brothers kill each other,

each other's daughters & guardian angels

in the opera of dead on arrival.

Say something that resuscitates

us, behind the masks,

as we stumble off into neon lights

to loveless beds & a second skin

of loneliness. Something political as dust

& earthworms at work in the temple

of greed & mildew, where bowed lamps

cast down shadows like blueprints of graves.

Say something for us who can't believe

in the creed of nightshade.

Yes, say something to us dreamers

who decode the message of dirt

between ancient floor boards

as black widow spiders

lay translucent eggs

in the skull of a dead mole

under a dogwood in full bloom.

Praying Rebels: Libya

2011-09-05T17:44:00.003-04:00

The Laughing Heart

2011-09-01T22:19:00.001-04:00

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

-Charles Bukowski

Watch the Throne

2011-08-09T20:46:00.003-04:00

Here's a full stream of the new Kanye/Jay-Z album. So far, I like "No Church in the Wild" and "Gotta Have It." It seems just kind of okay overall, but I need to spend some more time with it.

UPDATE: This shit is wack.

Breaking Boundaries

2011-08-08T22:04:00.003-04:00

"I can't think in terms of boundaries. Those imaginary lines are as unreal to me as elves and pixies. I can't believe that they mark the end or the beginning of anything of real concern to the human soul. Virtues and vices, pleasures and pains cross boundaries at will." -Kurt Vonnegut

Four Letter Words

2011-08-07T00:17:00.002-04:00

Also, here's a fantastic clip from which I get a wonderful sense of schadenfreude.

An Open Letter From Comic Sans

2011-08-05T14:31:00.000-04:00

Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.

You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.

People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.

When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.

It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.

[courtesy of McSweeney's]

untitled

2011-08-04T00:04:00.001-04:00

They say that I'm a poet
I wonder what they would say
if they saw me
from the inside.
I bottle emotions and place them
into the sea
for others to uncork on distant shores --
I am unsure
as to whether they ever reach and
for that matter
as to whether I ever get my point across
or my love.

In the desert

2011-08-03T21:01:00.000-04:00

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

-Stephen Crane

Summer Rapture

2011-07-10T17:05:00.000-04:00

Look At Me Now

2011-07-09T22:03:00.011-04:00

Oh by the way, it's been a year since I've written on my blog. I have a little black notebook that I write ideas in, and I mentally rediscovered NYC Masala in thinking about the appropriate medium through which to flesh 'em out. Lots of stuff going on this month, but hopefully I'll be able to throw something on here every once in a while. More for myself than anyone else, but thanks for reading.

Eternally yours,

VPL

Open Letter to Dreams

2010-06-22T10:50:00.002-04:00

Dear Dreams,

Books, toothbrush, drown, raisin pie, leotards, cockadoodledoo, Napoleon, word pizza, blue, plaster of paris, twins, JK Rowling, recycling program, prohibition, motor yacht, hat box, Pier 1 Imports, gravy, bones, Victor/Victoria, bathroom, stapler, birth, crash, prom, senate, ceramic flowers, iodine.

That's what it feels like, asshole.

[courtesy of McSweeney's]

If I Was a Rich Girl...

2010-06-14T14:05:00.003-04:00

[2012 Lexus LFA]

Rajon Rondo

2010-06-13T23:36:00.003-04:00

iTampon

2010-04-08T14:05:00.002-04:00

Can YOU articulate why the iPad is so "revolutionary?"

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Real Talk: MTA

2010-03-29T11:49:00.003-04:00

I saw this poster in the 2 train Wall Street station on Friday evening, fashioned after the MTA service change announcements:

If you can't read the bottom, it says:

How does this affect my trip?
You're not going anywhere.

Why is service being changed?
We are making service cuts because we want to screw you and make you think there's nothing you can do about it.

I like the campaign; it obviously voices what a lot of us are thinking when it comes to the weak ass MTA. This poster says "we want to make you think there's nothing you can do about it," but what is there to do about it besides complain? Are there any other, more proactive steps we can take that don't require taking time off from work to protest or waiting in line for lifetimes in some hostile government office? I can't think of any, and it does seem like there's nothing you can do about terrible service and higher MetroCard prices because people HAVE to use public transportation to get to work. Alternatives?

Conversational Chemistry

2010-03-26T11:23:00.007-04:00

Have you ever had a phone conversation with someone for the first time, and the timing is just completely off? You start talking, and they've started talking at the same time. Then you stop to let them speak, but they've stopped to let you speak. Then you both start talking at the same time again. Then you stop but they keep going, so you've completely missed the first half of whatever they were saying. You both do that awkward, nervous laugh. Then there's an uncomfortable silence. Then you both start talking at the same time again. Christ!

It's not at all the case that you or the other person is especially long-winded or socially awkward. It's just that there is zero conversational chemistry there. You know what I mean?

Carmex

2010-03-08T12:23:00.008-05:00

Dear Carmex user,

Why do you use this product? I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I understand that it's winter and you need something moisturizing for your lips. I understand that in many cases, you're a guy and don't care too much about what you put on your lips. But this stuff looks like earwax and smells like a medicated version of what I imagine earwax to smell like in a very concentrated form. When you apply this stuff to your lips and then speak to people, each and every word that comes out of your mouth smells like Carmex. If I run into you on a crowded train, this is a very unfortunate situation for me. When you dip your finger into the jar and rub in onto your lips, what do you do with the excess? Rub it on your hands, maybe? So now you have terrible-smelling breath and hands. Maybe you've just never thought about this, Carmex user. Maybe no one's felt comfortable enough to bring this to your attention. I just wanted you to know.

Sincerely,

Victoria

I'm SADS

2010-02-25T15:19:00.005-05:00

My patio:

NBA Heartbreak

2010-02-19T10:24:00.006-05:00

I think I genuinely got my heart broken just a little bit last night. After a 13-game winning streak, the Cavs lost in OT against the Nuggets last night -- at home. This is sad enough, but when LBJ lost his balance on that last shot and then missed it, the buzzer rang to signal the end of the game and I saw maybe the most heart-wrenching look on his face. He literally looked like he was about the cry and headed straight off the court towards the locker room. It looked something like this:

Okay, not quite. But the fact that it wasn't as prominent on his face was even sadder. It was a quick flash of a profound disappointment (triple double and all), and it was terrible to watch. Damn you, 'melo!

In other news, the Celtics beat the Lakers last night, but I don't feel very strongly either way about that. Ray Allen was having a great game and Rondo was the man as always, but Kobe wasn't playing and they lost their dominance in the 4th quarter. It just seemed lucky. The team is aging and it's definitely starting to show. The trade shakes things up a bit by adding Nate Robinson to the mix, but he's super inconsistent on the court. He's also small, which is awesome when you can slam dunk but not so awesome in the paint. I think it could be good though, so I'll definitely be watching his first game with Boston.

Other awesome trades: T-Mac to New York and Jamison to Cleveland. The Knicks' sending Jeffries to Houston clears up some cap space that some people think is leaving room for LeBron, but I just can't see how he could think that would be a good move for him. Obviously I'm getting a lot of heat about this since you're all Knicks fans and I know you want LBJ, but WHY would he do that to himself?! There are some great players on the Knicks right now, but they've shown year after year that throwing together a bunch of good players on a team doesn't add up to a championship. There. Start your hating.

I'll leave you with this one hilarious-slash-deeply-offensive final thing: The other day, an old friend of mine asked me if I would become a Knicks fan if LeBron came to New York. I said yes, I would support the Knicks with LBJ. He told me that mine was a typical female response, because rooting for your team even when you like players on another team is a difficult thing to do; it's more complex, and women are not capable of such a thing. LOL/WTF

Google Buzz

2010-02-16T16:46:00.006-05:00

I hate Google Buzz. Here's why:

1. People are linking their Buzz to their Twitter accounts, which means I have to be doubly aware of what they're eating for breakfast, how they're spending their evenings, and how they feel about...everything.

2. You have to constantly be at your computer to follow what's happening, otherwise everything condenses and you have to expand each post to see how they developed. And it's always the original comment that's visible, as opposed to the most recent, which means I'm looking at the same thing all day unless I expand.

3. I hate seeing unread messages in my inbox. Google counts the number of new posts and puts it in bold parenthesis next to "Buzz," right under my e-mail, MAKING me click on it to get rid of the number.

4. I don't need to know EVERYTHING that's happening in EVERYONE'S life ALL the time. Buzz just feels like sensory overload to me.

5. I don't need to catch up with people while checking my e-mail. Sometimes, I just want to check my e-mail.

I know this makes me sound like a curmudgeon, and I do use Twitter, but sparingly. Then again, people felt this away about pretty much every staple technology that exists today. People thought the radio was sensory overload. They thought TV was going to melt brains (which it sort of does). They thought the internet would make people's heads explode. But in most cases, these things have made our lives a lot easier, and helped us (arguably) feel more connected to each other. I'm wondering if this is just another of those things, or if we've finally hit a wall and it really is enough at this point. I'm leaning towards the latter.

The A Train is a Zoo.

2009-08-06T20:43:00.003-04:00

I've been taking the A train every day this summer for work and let me just say...once those doors go "bing bong" and close behind you, welcome to the circus. I've seen the following so far:

-a big bald black guy SCREAMING Bible verses and telling everyone that he knows people get mad when he preaches, but he'll do it anyway

-a black woman sitting right behind me reading verses from the Bible in a weird monotonous voice while I'm trying to read at 8 in the morning

-multiple young men selling candy for $1 -- "NOT for any basketball team, but to have a little money in my pocket and stay off the streets." I actually like this one because they've stepped up their game and now stock Welch's fruit snacks. I can dig it.

-young men with a boombox playing loud music, clapping, announcing "It's showtime! It's showtime!" and proceeding to back flips and such up and down the train car

-the conductor saying, "This has been the A experience. Have an interesting day" as people exit when the doors open at the various stops

There's also this weird thing I see every morning inside the Chambers Street station on the A. When I get off the train and walk towards the exit, there are always these two women sitting on those gross wooden platform seats with one seat between them. On that seat, there's a spread of slices of pound cake, muffins, bread, and other random stuff and the two women are feasting. I came home really late last night from an event in the area and I'm pretty sure I saw one of those women sleeping on that same platform bench. What's the story there?

Anyway...be careful on the A, man. There's all kinds of ridiculous shit happening on there.

Extra Baggage

2009-07-30T23:23:00.004-04:00

Today one of those kids was selling candy on the train and I bought some Welch's Fruit Snacks to support his entrepreneurial spirit. I opened the bag and it's less than a quarter full. We all know when we buy a bag of chips or something that it's gonna be less than half full, but why do companies do it? Like, the jig is up. We know how much is in there by now. It's just tons of extra packaging -- which, along with being nonsensical and annoying, is also bad for the environment. Is there anything we can do to get companies to size the packaging so that it's appropriate for the content?

Love & Texting

2009-05-01T14:38:00.011-04:00

Provoking piece in the Styles section of the Times today. They've been doing this "Modern Love" series for a while and this column was one of the more interesting installments I've read so far. It's about an American student who moved to Thailand to teach English shortly after graduating from college. One of her students (college-aged) fell in love with her and the story is about their interaction while there and then after she returned to the States. An excerpt:

Text messaging and chatting are the modus operandi, and everybody seems to consider it a tragedy of modern romance that these forms of communication make it so frighteningly easy to say nothing at all, to forge a relationship out of little more than a few well-timed expressions: “Where r u?” and “Want to meet up?” Maybe...expressiveness seems strange to us, or pathetic. But it has something to teach us, too, about the note of cowardice embedded in our romantic culture, about the intensity of emotion we have a right to, about everything we could say, but don’t.

...Word.

Poor Parenting

2009-05-01T10:10:00.005-04:00

It's been a while since I wrote a real post. Honestly, Twitter makes it a little harder to blog because you can just say what you need to say without going into tedious detail, which is nice sometimes. But they're two very different media and I need to start learning how to funnel information in those two different ways.

Anyway, I've noticed a trend lately. Maybe I've been seeing it all my life and just now really acknowledging it, but there are a lot of shamelessly terrible parents out there in the world. I went to the Belmont Fair a few weeks ago and had to start counting the number of kids getting yoked up by their mothers -- it was like I was standing in a circle surrounded by kids getting smacked/snuffed/yanked by IRATE women. Then I saw some kid getting cursed the fuck out by his Mom on the street the other day. I mean he was getting it. I was embarrassed for him. She was like, "Shut the fuck up! Just shut your fucking mouth! I don't wanna hear nunna that cryin' BULLshit!" And that was way less funny to me because I don't believe you should ever, ever speak to a child like that. I thought it was just a minority thing but then I was on the train last week and this little white kid gets on with his Mom and starts spazzing out hardcore, screaming like bloody murder about how he wants a seat and he "just can't stand" anymore. He was twisting and writhing and pushing himself into the people around him (myself included) and the woman was just standing there in this monotonous voice like, "Calm down. Everyone wants a seat. Shhh. Stop that. A few more stops. Just relax." I was like, are you kidding me?! THAT was probably the one kid that should have gotten the "Just shut your fucking mouth" treatment.

It's interesting to me that I only see women doing this. I mean I know children are taken care of by their mothers most of the time, so statistically it makes sense, but I wonder if there's something else behind it. Maybe it's the frustration of being a single mother that these women are forcing their children to bear the brunt of? Or that women are becoming more and more aggressive and angry these days (which I have read about). Or that men are less willing to be so public about their anger since it will more likely be viewed as abuse. Is this something you've noticed? Any other theories you can throw out?

Road Head

2009-04-28T14:09:00.006-04:00

I find this illustration hiLArious for some reason. I think I found it in a Men's Health or Esquire article about things to do while driving that are illegal but forgivable. I dragged it onto my desktop and it's kind of been sitting here for a while. It's inappropriate to set as my desktop background and it was too funny to delete, so I thought I'd just post it. Enjoy.

Happy Anniversary, NYCM

2009-04-28T14:00:00.006-04:00

I just realized that I started this blog a year ago. I can't believe it's been a full year! We've had some ups and downs, some lulls and some highs, but we're still here. I've wanted to give up a few times. More than I'd like to admit. But it's been a year! Anyway, here's my last web piece for Cosmopolitan magazine, ever. Enjoy! (sarcasm)

Facebook Kills Relationships

2009-04-08T18:12:00.005-04:00

Throughout my time on Facebook, I've run into more than a few little mishaps and argument starters that are unique to this website alone. It's a purely generational thing, and I wonder if it's more or less universal than I think it is. Before Gen Y, you could go to parties, take photos, be in relationships, engage in harmless flirting -- and no one would be any the wiser. But now, there is a ridiculous amount of access to people, their social lives, their relationships, and other rather intimate details. Is this something that every generation after us will have to deal with? I guess with them it'll just be the way things are, since they'll have actually grown up knowing no other way. People get into fights about whether or not to post "in a relationship" on their pages, over sketchy wall posts, out-of-context photos, and much more. I think Facebook is great in terms of keeping track of people, staying in touch, being in the loop and all that. But in terms of relationships, I think it's totally detrimental. Thoughts?

Lil Mama Had a Swag Like Mine

2009-03-31T09:18:00.008-04:00

Okay, this is going to be my last video post for a while, semi-promise. I usually hate covers, but I'm diggin' this one. What do you think?

UPDATE: (Click on the link, song starts around 2:18 -- embedded video is no longer available).

Happy Belated Phagwah

2009-03-19T18:07:00.006-04:00

The Phagwah parade was this past Sunday in Queens. It's a very celebratory Hindu holiday and people participate by throwing a lot of colorful powder and dyed water all over each other. Luckily it wasn't freezing out because somehow I ended up getting a bottle of grape soda dumped on me at some point. Wild. Anyway, here are before and after photos. You can find the rest on Facebook. And yeah, I know I look kinda like a dude. But I had to wear clothes I wouldn't miss.

One of Those Days

2009-03-10T16:55:00.005-04:00

I feel overwhelmed today. I have so much work to get done, and with all these people getting laid off here, the work keeps getting redistributed among those of us left. I just inherited a ton of work on top of the stuff I already have going on, and I'm just barely treading water. I know I need to change a bunch of things at this point in my life, but the process of taking it all on is daunting. Today's one of those days that it seems way more scary than exciting.

Anyway, I normally wouldn't post something like this but I had an interview today. It's for a part time job that starts next month and ends in August. It might seem like a stupid thing to do -- giving up a solid job for something so temporary in this economic climate. But I'm in desperate need of a change, and a break, and some time to think and get my shit together. I'm too young to be stuck in something I don't enjoy or feel good about, and I think I just need to make a quick, drastic move to force myself out. I read somewhere that over 70% of Americans are miserable in their jobs. There's no reason to complain and complain if you don't plan on actively doing anything to change the situation, and I refuse to be one of that 70% - stuck, unhappy, stagnant. Hayyyyl nah. Anyway...just needed to vent.

Mario and the Princess

2009-03-05T14:04:00.007-05:00

Just thought this was a really cool rendering of the classic Nintendo couple.

Hard Times

2009-03-03T10:32:00.004-05:00

Months ago, The Economist reported that we were in a depression, not a recession. More and more financial analysts are saying that the current state of the economy reflects something bigger than just a recession. This morning on the news, I heard that Warren Buffet is saying that the economy is going to continue to be "in shambles" throughout 2009, and probably well beyond that.

So let's take this opportunity to make a prediction. I'm guessing that the economy will start stabilizing around March 2010, and then get itself back on track by the following June. Put your prediction down in writing here, and then we'll check back in a year to see who's the closest. That person will then get a prize (maybe dinner if the majority of us are still employed by then). Place your bets.

Photoshop 101

2009-02-27T17:59:00.006-05:00

What's wrong with this picture?

(Photo by Annie Leibovitz of Kate Winslet and her husband, Sam Mendes in Vanity Fair)

Is It A Hoax?

2009-02-26T10:47:00.003-05:00

I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet and I'm so curious as to what people think about this whole Joaquin Phoenix thing. In case you're not familiar with the story, Phoenix has decided to quit acting in order to pursue his music (read: rap) career. He's supposedly working on an album with Diddy, and his career thus far consists of one on-stage performance featuring an inaudible 'song,' a half-assed booty shake and his falling off the stage. As I'm sure you've seen or heard by now, he made a vacuous appearance on David Letterman a few weeks ago. He was not only supremely out of it and absurdly cryptic, but also pretty rude (like when he stuck his gum under Letterman's desk).

Casey Affleck is reportedly making a documentary about Phoenix's transition from actor to, umm, rapper. But the rumor is that the film will actually document Joaquin's wholly absorbing bout of Andy-Kaufman-style performance art, and that this bearded rapper is just his character. I've read in some places that Affleck was backstage at that Letterman show, but Phoenix's glazed-over catatonic-ness seemed pretty real to me. But then again, I do think he's an incredibly talented actor and could pull this off convincingly, if it is in fact a hoax.

So on one hand, he genuinely seems like he's entrenched in some gripping drug abuse. On the other, he's super talented—and isn't it weird that Affleck, a friend of Joaquin's, would stand back behind the lens while his buddy's obviously in need of some serious help? I haven't seen Two Lovers, the film that he was on Letterman to promote, but I've read in various places that he gives a riveting and poignant performance in it. Can the transition to Alice-in-Wonderland madness be so quick as to make us believe that Letterman stunt was genuine?

Check out the clips and let me know what you think. Is the real, present-day Joaquin Phoenix picture A above, or picture B? If it's not a hoax, I think it's a terrible shame that such a capable actor is wasting away in this sudden and self-made delusion. If it is a huge joke, then it's genius. Not only is he pushing this rumor that he's a rapper, but he's performing songs, consistently appearing on talk shows and in public in character, and really just fooling the world. The documentary is slated to be released next year, so we might have to wait until then to know for sure.

Happy New Year!

2009-02-24T14:47:00.002-05:00

Well it looks like this is my first post since last year, so happy 2009! And MLK Day! And Valentine's Day! And President's Day!

So let's see what's been happening.

1. I still hate my job. But lately I've been making some proactive moves and hoping they work out for the best.

2. Winter is STILL here!! Are you kidding me?

3. Chris Brown is a woman-beater. And that Rihanna photo is not that bad. She would look like that if she went to sleep with mad chapped lips and you caught her and took a really close shot. Yeah, I said it.

4. Barack Obama is President! Here's a lovely little collection of quotes from his memoir, Dreams of My Father, including "you ain't my bitch, nigga!"

5. Michelle Obama is on the March issue of Vogue, looking great. She's only the second first lady to be on the cover. (The first? HRC...sssss!)

6. I saw my brother perform with his little band at a concert thingy the other week and was way more impressed than I thought I'd be.

7. I got yelled at this past weekend. That hasn't happened to me in a while and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

8. Spring is almost here. Anyone taking any fun trips? Or is everyone too poor at the moment? Speaking of which...

9. The economy still really sucks. It hasn't hit me directly and I'm hoping that it continues to stay the hell away from me.

10. Chimpanzees KILL people!! Seriously. And what's up with that Indian guy in the lottery commercial saying, "orangootang" in the thickest Bombay back alley accent I've ever heard?

11. Ginger snaps from Whole Foods are the most delicious little delights ever. They're heart-shaped and full of ginger love.

12. This post is dedicated to Dmitry, Chris and Eleonore who, in their own ways, pushed me to write on this thing again.

13. Follow me on Twitter! I hated it at first but I'm now discovering its virtues. Try it.

14. Still reading "The Moor's Last Sigh," but almost done. Salman Rushdie is a genius and I'm so jealous of his ability to write like he's spinning some entirely different material out of language. Next is "The Reader." Everyone is saying the movie sucked but I quite liked it. Any suggestions for a good (great) book when that's done?

15. I'm blogging again!(?) Maybe. We'll see.

A Little Holiday Spirit for That Ass

2008-12-15T23:08:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Bin Laden on Family Guy

2008-12-03T10:35:00.005-05:00

I was watching Family Guy last night and this had me laughing out loud. Mostly because it was so offensive. Enjoy.

Street Sweepers

2008-11-24T11:58:00.007-05:00

So I'm waiting for the bus this morning, and one of those NYC street sweepers comes along to blow dust in everyone's face. And it just occurred to me that these things serve absolutely no purpose. They're trying to do all this stupid shit to cut costs in the city and close the MTA deficit blah blah, but still have the money to power these things up, pay people to drive them, and serve zero purpose? Hmm. I'm not exaggerating, either. The street looked exactly the same before and after the sweep, except leaf and dust particles were slightly rearranged. And a few were added. I'm just saying.

"This Watch is Exactly Two Days Slow."

2008-11-19T14:09:00.008-05:00

Life has been a very strange and unsettling place for me during the past couple of months, kinda like falling through the Rabbit Hole and never quite hitting the bottom. In related news, and on a happier note, Tim Burton is shooting his version of "Alice in Wonderland" in Cornwall, England at this very moment. Using what Burton did with Batman as a reference, I cannot WAIT to see this. Unfortunately, it comes out in 2010. Lindsay Lohan really wanted the part of Alice, but (thank God) she lost it to some Australian wench. The flick will feature, among others, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, and the best news of all...Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter! It's supposed to be a rather dark version of the role, which both Johnny and Burton are amazing at constructing. Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite books and movies, and this looks like it's gonna be GOOD. Check out a mock up of Depp as the Mad Hatter below. What do you think? Will you go and see this?

Caught on Tape

2008-11-06T11:39:00.004-05:00

"So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees,' and he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I fucking changed the light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective.'" -- Barack Obama

Where Are They Now?

2008-10-29T12:28:00.004-04:00

I suppose this headline could also apply to me since I've been MIA on this blog for the past couple of weeks. But you know what? So have all of you at some point, so I have no apologies to make.

Anyway, I was trolling the internet when I found this picture:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That is Lauryn Hill. This was taken on October 20 at a Williams-Sonoma store in Jersey. That is the former songstress and ex-Fugee with her three kids, posing with Martha Stewart at her book signing, looking straight up homeless. What's with those ashy ass lips? What happened to you, Lauryn?!

Sarah Palin's Facebook Page

2008-10-03T16:59:00.004-04:00

Click on the image for a larger, readable version. Check out everything, her groups, friends, wall posts, everything.

Look-Alikes

2008-10-02T14:38:00.006-04:00

It's in the arms, people. It's in the arms.

New Debate Rule

2008-09-30T14:47:00.003-04:00

From the Onion:

OXFORD, MS—Amid discussions of possibly postponing the debate altogether, Sens. Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) were able to agree Thursday on a new guideline that would allow each candidate one 15-second strangulation during Friday night's presidential debate. "Both candidates will receive two minutes to answer each question, five minutes for discussion, and a one-time only option to walk over to his opponent's podium and cut off his oxygen supply for up to fifteen seconds," a statement from the Commission on Presidential Debates read in part, also specifying that debate moderator Jim Lehrer can exercise his own discretion in determining whether or not the strangulations go over time.

First Dude

2008-09-24T10:37:00.004-04:00

If this isn't one of the most awkward interviews you've ever seen...

Nice work, Fox News! Some really penetrating investigative journalism here. My favorite excerpt:

Greta: What did you say to [Sarah] after her [convention] speech?

Todd: 'Great speech.'

Greta: And what did she say?

Todd: 'Thanks.'

Christmas in July

2008-09-19T10:38:00.010-04:00

Dear Walmart & Rite-Aid,

I love what you've done with your Halloween aisles. But...I'm just not ready yet. See you in a few weeks.

John

Above is a recent away message from one of my friends. Like him, I'm bewildered as to why I need to be looking at Halloween candy in September. I remember going grocery shopping in August, walking into Food Emporium, and being greeted by shelves upon shelves of bite-sized treats. Big, orange, plastic packages of chocolately goodness. With pumpkins on them. And bats. And ghosts. In August.

Is this an American thing? Why sweet Jesus am I seeing paper cut-outs of pilgrims pasted on the front doors of houses in my neighborhood? Can't you people at least have the decency to wait until Halloween passes before thinking about Thanksgiving?! I know you're anxious, but damn. Ride it out, son. Ride it out.

P.S. The picture of that baby above was taken on a sweltering July afternoon.

Check Me Out, Son

2008-09-11T10:25:00.003-04:00

It's really not worth reading beyond the byline, lol...just like to see my name ;)

Catcher in the Rye

2008-09-10T15:27:00.008-04:00

So I just finished reading "Catcher in the Rye" yesterday while coming home from work. The 1 train pulls up at 59th street and I get on, stand somewhere in the middle of the car and pull out my book. Then I notice that this guy sitting right under me is reading it too, which is kind of awkward but no big deal. Then a seat opens up -- right next to the guy. So there we are, sitting next to each other, reading the same edition of this book (with the BRIGHT ass yellow and red cover). More than a little awkward. I couldn't even concentrate. Am I obligated to somehow acknowledge that I know we're reading the same thing? Make some clever joke about what great taste he has in books? Turn to him and smile knowingly? I didn't want my eyes to go too far to my right when I was reading because I was afraid he'd think, out of his peripheral vision, that I kept looking over to see which part he was up to in the story. Then I noticed people around us looking from my cover to his, and back again. Yes people, we're reading the same book. And sitting right next to each other. Okay? The worst part was just as I was finishing the book and starting to put it back in my bag, he was getting up to get off at his stop, which totally made it look like the only reason I took my book out in the first place was because I saw HIM reading it. Perrrrfect.

Like a Fish Out of Water

2008-09-08T11:07:00.004-04:00

That's kinda what it felt like when the powers that be behind the curtains of the RNC (didn't mean for that to rhyme) played '70s hit "Barracuda" after Sarah Palin's speech last week. How do these people even know such a kick ass, Guitar Hero III-worthy song?

Well Ann and Nancy Wilson, the members of the band (Heart), have asked the Republican party to stop using their music. "I think it's completely unfair to be so misrepresented," Nancy Wilson told Entertainment Weekly. "I feel completely fucked over... [Barracuda] was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women ... There's irony in Republican strategists' choice to make use of it there." Find out who else wants the campaign to stop using their music here.

Please Stop.

2008-09-08T10:37:00.003-04:00

Men: Why are you still doing this? I mean, why do you INSIST on CONTINUING to do this?? Didn't you hear Jay-Z when he said, "And I don't wear jerseys, I'm thirty plus/Give me a crisp pair of jeans, nigga button up" -- ?!?!? I've got an addendum to the rule. If you're over the age of 5 and not presently on your way to a football game in a stadium, take that shiny ass jersey off. That goes for the dude in the photo above looking REALLY cool in his myspace picture, too. I'm not even gonna start on his crew.

What's Really Good?

2008-09-04T10:35:00.011-04:00

I don't know how to begin talking about the election because I have so much that I want to say about it...but I will address one thing. I watched the entire Democratic National Convention, and since you can intelligently support something only when you know the other side of it, I've also been watching the RNC. I tried to look at it without giving in to my preconceived notions about the people on that hall floor, but it's impossible. Watching it was infuriatating.

Last night, it occurred to me that the RNC differs from the DNC in one striking way, and that's its nastiness. There's really no other word for it, and if you watched Rudy's speech, you know exactly what I mean. And when people cheered, and he laughed this scary, gleeful laugh in response, it reminded me of that scene in Borat when he's talking at the rodeo -- telling people he's against gay marriage and in support of bombing the shit out of other countries, basically -- and the crowd is hooting and hollering in delight. You know there's something wrong with your party when you use 'intellectual' as an insult, i.e. "the Obama-Biden ticket is for the intellectuals and has nothing to do with us." A hard-working farmer or factory worker can be smart, you know. He can be aware of the world and recognize the capacity for us to be better and want to be a part of that process.

Yes, it was frustrating to watch the convention of people that don't agree with me. But last night bothered me on a different level, too. It really spelled out to me what the Republican party is all about. I almost felt sick, for example, when Ms. Sarah Palin mocked Barack by saying, "Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America; [Obama's] worried that someone won't read them their rights?" This, to me, confirms the fact that Repubs believe that all people who look a certain way have a certain agenda. That we as a country have a right to detain people who fit a profile that we've created, torture them without having any real information on them, and ignore any notion of human rights. That we can scare and psychologically bully people into voting for military strength alone.

I'm already on Bush's list, so I'll put myself on another one by saying this: America creates terrorists. Let's say your city was being bombed constantly by another country. You couldn't go to school or work or on a date without worrying that you might get blown up or killed by foreign soldiers who treat you like you're subhuman. You move to that country to get work or live some semblance of a life, and get randomly searched and eventually arrested for traveling or walking down the street. You get thrown in a cell, no one asks you anything apart from shit you know nothing about, no one knows where you are, and you get tortured severely by people who think it's not torture. Would you not leave that cell with some kind of hate or disdain for that country and its government? Maybe it's unsafe to say something like that in such a public space and my Dad is always telling me to watch what I say around people, but I don't believe in censoring myself to make other people comfortable. I don't believe in not saying what I think, even if I live in a country that stifles honest and informed opinions.

Anyway. Here's a video and transcript of Palin's speech if you missed it. What strikes me the most is how nasty they're being, how derisive and belittling. And, in contrast, how gracious and graceful the DNC was, both in comparison and on its own. Well the pundits and reporters are saying what a hit the speech was, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I don't plan on blogging after the McCain speech. I think I've been pretty controversial lately and I hope I'm not scaring anyone off. Hope you don't get arrested for reading this.

Shit...

2008-08-20T17:05:00.001-04:00

...I forgot I had a blog.

Happy Wednesday

2008-08-13T16:58:00.005-04:00

Coney Island Gets Controversial

2008-08-06T11:21:00.006-04:00

On 12th Street off Surf Avenue, you'll bump into this side show. If you climb to the top of the concrete steps, put a dollar into the little hole that the red arrow is pointing to and peek through the barred window, you'll see something you probably wouldn't expect to see on Coney Island. The show, created by artist Steve Powers, is called the "Waterboard Thrill Ride," and depicts Spongebob on the outside wall getting waterboarded by Squidworth and exclaiming, "It don't Gitmo better!" Pretty provocative stuff.

Put your dollar into the slot and a reenactment of a torture scene comes alive before your curious little eyes. There's literally a guy in a black hood pouring water into the mouth and nostrils of a figure in an orange jumpsuit for fifteen seconds.

A few things intrigue me about this. First, the juxtaposition of the scene you're watching through the bars with the backdrop of kids, the beach, rides, and hot dogs is pretty striking. Same kind of idea behind using a popular and notoriously naive cartoon character to advertise the show. And third, the following statement made by the artist (published in the Times today): "What's more obscene, the official position that waterboarding is not torture, or our official position that it's a thrill ride?"

What do you think? Is this an inappropriate show for Coney Island? Is the artist somehow trivializing or exploiting the torture method and/or victims of waterboarding?

Stop Fronting!

2008-07-31T15:05:00.003-04:00

At the risk of pulling a Dmitry by posting video after video with no text for weeks at a time in order to assuage my guilt for not blogging, I have a question about this one. Why do marketing agencies insist on trying to make people believe that dorm rooms look like hotels in heaven? Students have likely visited campuses, children don't care about college, and grown-ups have been to college and know what real dorm rooms look like, so who exactly are they trying to fool?

Maybe I'm wrong and roommates burst out into spontaneous-but-choreographed dance sequences upon meeting, and proceed to decorate their spaces sans school-commissioned furniture. In which case you screwed me, Colgate. You screwed me.

Beware of the Fuwa!

2008-07-28T11:55:00.014-04:00

The upcoming Beijing Olympics will start at exactly 8pm on August 8, because eight is a lucky number for the Chinese. With the "Curse of the Fuwa" upon them, they can use all the luck they can get.

The Fuwa, meaning "good-luck dolls" or "friendlies," are the five teddy bear-looking creatures designed by a famous Chinese artist as the mascots for the 2008 Olympics. Together, their names say "Beijing huanying ni," which means "Beijing welcomes you." Adorable, right? Plus they're much better than the mostly lame mascots other countries have come up with in the past. So why are Chinese people deathly afraid of them? And why has the artist totally disowned them? Because they believe that these cuddly beasts, created in the image of the country's favorite animals, are portents of the various disasters that China has suffered so far this year.

*In May, an earthquake devastated Sichuan province, renowned home of the Panda bear. JingJing, the black one, is a Panda.

*HuanHuan (the red one in the center) represents the Olympic torch. He's also being blamed for the unrest that occurred during the torch relay around the world, which also brought light to the situation in Tibet and made a lot of people think of China as oppressive and feudalistic.

*YingYing (yellow), a Tibetan antelope, is apprently the cause of that whole Tibet mess.

*In April, there was a deadly train crash in Weifang, known as the "Kite City." Nini is a swallow who's decorated like a green kite.

*It was in June when the fear of the Fuwa grew significantly. Southern China was hit with the worst flooding in 50 years, forcing over 1.6 million people to evacuate their homes. Beibei, the blue one, is fish-shaped and also represents water. She's also female, naturally.

Religious and superstitious people (many Chinese are both) have a knack for connecting coincidences with divine or supernatural influence (sometimes very convincingly). But this is pretty weird. What do you think?

The Complicated Art of Satire

2008-07-23T14:10:00.006-04:00

Here's illustrator Barry Blitt's illustration on this week's cover of the New Yorker:

It's obviously an attempt at satire and not a reflection of the magazine's actual opinion of the Obamas (or at least let's hope not), so I won't even address the people who are offended by the depiction.

I guess the question is whether or not you think the cover is successful. Most Americans are pretty dumb and do not understand the concept of satire, so it could be a failure in the sense that it didn't take that into consideration. But you could also say that the magazine addresses a specific audience, a more "intellectual" and urbane one, so it's fine because the people who were supposed to get it, did.

One opinion I read from a Slate commenter kind of intrigued me:

"Any satire that can be easily used to further the viewpoint it's trying to satirize, is, by definition, a failure. The New Yorker cover fails abysmally."

Interesting way of looking at satire. What do you think? Was this cover a success? Should a magazine only pander to its intended demographic?

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-23T10:38:00.003-04:00

So I've been away for a while and I need to get back into the blogging habit. I'll start with a weigh-in. Among the most irksome of my texting pet peeves are the following:

*When you text someone to tell them know you're on your way or you'll call them later or something like that, and they reply with, "k." I hate one-word text messages to begin with, but one-letter ones are abominable.

*When people use numbers to abbreviate words, i.e. l8er, gr8, 2morrow, etc.

*Text message forwards ("Send this to all your friends in the next 5 minutes or you'll be ugly and loveless forever!!)

*When people text when they should be calling, resulting in 20 unnecessary messages back & forth, or call at inconvenient times when they could just text.

Do you agree or disagree with any of these? Any others you would add?

"Believe Me, It's Torture."

2008-07-11T10:30:00.002-04:00

Graydon Carter, famous editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair, asked writer Christopher Hitchens if he would agree to go through water-boarding and then write an article about it for the July issue of the magazine. Hitchens is a pretty sick opinion writer and does a lot of good stuff for Slate, where you may have run into his stuff. Water-boarding, if you're unfamiliar with the term, is a form of torture that's currently on the menu at Guantanamo Bay. They basically strap you down to something so that you're lying on your back, put something over your head (a mask, a bag, whatever) and pour water into your breathing passages so that you're pretty much drowning. Some people like to think that this isn't a form of torture, and the VF article is his response to that.

The site won't allow me to embed the video, but you should really click on this link and check it out (it's not long). Hitchens is given two balls, one in each of his hands, to release his grip from if he feels untolerable pressure or pain. I thought it was amazing how quickly he not only relesed his grip but flung the balls out of his hands, when the prisoners at Guantanamo are probably being subjected to this for hours at a time, if they don't die first. Watch the video and then tell me, do you think it's safe to call this practice "torture?" And do you think it's justifiable that they're doing this to people we're holding without any sort of hearing or trial?

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-09T10:27:00.006-04:00

I recently got my hands on a Viewmaster. Remember those? It was like your own little private show filled with splashes of technicolor and funny little cartoon characters from the old days. (I just turned 24 and I'm having a mid-twenties crisis.) It got me thinking about all the cool stuff from my childhood, like snap bracelets, Rainbow Brite, the Saturday morning TV lineup (California Raisins), Tamagotchis, and how all the cool kids in elementary school used to bring in Now&Laters and the more colors you had, the cooler you were. If you had the flavor that just came out, you were basically King of the World.

What's your favorite thing from your childhood, or the thing you get most nostalgic about? A TV show, movie (Land Before Time, anyone?), food, candy, toy...give it to me.

Are You ADHD?!

2008-07-08T10:40:00.001-04:00

Pharrell "Freddy Sess" Williams has some tattoos that he wants to get rid of. It happens -- you get inked up when you're 17 or 18 and then you grow up and realize you did something dumb. Fair enough. It's HOW he's getting them removed that bothers me. The procedure he prefers involves using new skin to cover the ink. Says Pharrell in the July issue of UK Vogue:

"It's basically like getting a skin graft, but you're not taking skin from your ass or your legs. These guys actually grow the skin for you," he explains. "First you have to give them a sample of your skin, which they then replicate. Once that's been done, they sew it on - and it's seamless."

Umm, what? They grow skin for you? That's DISGUSTING!!! **gag**

A lot of you guys have tattoos. If money wasn't an issue, and knowing that getting your ink lasered off often hurts more than getting the tat itself, would you consider this procedure instead?

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-02T10:44:00.000-04:00

Do you get annoyed when people read over your shoulder? For example, if you're on the train and you open up the newspaper and someone standing behind you or sitting next to you starts reading your paper, too.

I'm So Ready.

2008-07-01T14:54:00.005-04:00

Apparently lots of people are saying that Heath Ledger could win an Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker in Dark Knight. Director Kevin Smith recently saw the movie, and here's what he had to say, courtesy of his blog:

"Courtesy of Peter Sciretta over at SlashFilm.com, I caught an early screening of "The Dark Knight" yesterday evening. Without giving anything away, this is an epic film (and trust me: based on the sheer size and scope of the visuals and storytelling, that's not an overstatement). It's the "Godfather II" of comic book films and three times more earnest than "Batman Begins" (and fuck, was that an earnest film). Easily the most adult comic book film ever made. Heath Ledger didn't so much give a performance as he disappeared completely into the role; I know I'm not the first to suggest this, but he'll likely get at least an Oscar nod (if not the win) for Best Supporting Actor. Fucking flick's nearly three hours long and only leaves you wanting more (in a great way). I can't imagine anyone being disappointed by it. Nolan and crew have created something close to a masterpiece."

He dissolves into the role? It's the Godfather II of comic book movies? Hmm...I'm excited.

Modern Art

2008-06-27T10:50:00.000-04:00

Olafur Eliasson, with the Public Art Fund, has created four man-made 'waterfalls' located across the Manhattan shoreline. The 'art' installment will be on view until October 13th and is called "The New York City Waterfalls." Original, huh? The falls are on every day, from morning until 10 PM, but will automatically shut off if there's really strong wind. They measure from 90 to 120 feet long and are supposed to incorporate building elements that are unique to New York (scaffolding is the backbone of each structure). You can find them at the following locations:

-Under the Brooklyn Bridge (on the Brooklyn side)
-Between Piers 4 and 5 in Brooklyn (west of the Brooklyn Heights Promenade)
-Pier 35 in Manhattan (adjacent to South Street at Rutgers Street)
-The north shore of Governor's Island

Says the Times of the exhibit, "they could almost fool King Kong into thinking he is back home. They are the remnants of a primordial Eden, beautiful, uncanny signs of a natural nonurban past that the city never had." They also try to make some vague Walt Whitman connection that doesn't really work.

I feel like this is more architecture than art, but I guess some could argue that those two things are inevitably connected. What do you think?

Shake Shack

2008-06-23T15:04:00.007-04:00

I had this past Friday off and decided to do something epic with it. Since it was really nice out and I'd been craving a burger for weeks, I went to Shake Shack. I didn't get a portobello burger (deep-fried and stuffed with cheese) or anything like that, either. I broke my no-beef rule and ordered me up a cheeseburger. Two of them. And fries. And a frozen custard. And an Arnold Palmer (half iced tea, half lemonade). Because if you're gonna do it, you have to do it right.

I'd heard about the legendary lines, and when I got there it was snaking through the park. It moved along pretty quickly, though, considering that they make the burgers right when you order them. They also have a bee-line, which is wayyy shorter, but you can only get on it if you're ordering a concrete, drinks or frozen custard. I had some decent entertainment, though. There was some kid, whose parents were in front of us in line, who was just going nuts the whole time. He threw himself in the dirt and then started screaming. He kicked his little brother's stroller and then started bawling. He heard his Mom ordering burgers and howled "mayonaise and ketchup!!!!" until he was red in the face and crying hysterically. When I was standing towards the end of line, some guy walked past yelling, "trust me, it's not worth it!" But fuck that guy because yes, it was.

The burger was cooked to juicy perfection. I've never had anything that was less than well done, but this was medium-well leaning towards medium. The fries were good--evenly cooked and crispy. I had a chocolate custard which was yum (the flavor of the day was blackberry which I wasn't that into). Very nice texture, like nothing I've had before. The Arnold Palmer was good but I think a burger like that needed a Coke with a lot of ice. I'll try that next time, and maybe a concrete, too. But I'm definitely sticking with the single cheeseburger -- no doubles, mushroom burgs, or hot dogs. I'll also eat much slower next time (I was starving by the time I finally got down to Chelsea and conquered the line).

I guess I don't have much to compare it to since this was my first real beef burger, but I went with my boyfriend who says it's the best burger he's ever had, so I feel validated. Oh, and the freakin' buns are amazing. I'm not sure what they do to them. It's owned by Danny Meyer, who also owns Tabla (across the street on the corner of Madison and 23rd), The Modern, Blue Smoke, and Union Square Café among others. So I guess Shake Shack is the fine dining version of fast food, but just as deliciously greasy as the real deal.

Have you ever been to Shake Shack? If so, tell me what they do to the buns. If not, I hope this review makes you want to go because it's all that and a bag of chips.

Liars and Thieves

2008-06-19T10:14:00.004-04:00

Something TERRIBLE has happened to me.

This past weekend, I bought a box of Honey Nut Cheerios so that I could bring it to work, leave it on my desk and have some for breakfast every morning. I chose this cereal for two very important reasons.

1. I haven't had it in a while and whenever I buy two of the same cereals in a row, no matter how good it is, I get tired of it and end up throwing away that second box and buying something different. (A case of hurtin' for some strange?)

2. It may be childish, but I've never grown tired of or disenchanted with the wonderful surprise that is the cereal box toy. You buy some cereal for the deliciousness inside, but then one day, you're pouring a bowl (it could be any day because you don't know where in the box the toy actually is) and BOOM! Out comes a fun surprise. In this particular case, it was a BATMAN toy. And umm, I love Batman.

So, I'm just getting into work, settling in, checking my email, etc. I grab my box of Cheerios and head to the kitchen to pour myself a bowl (plastic cup) and come back to my desk to enjoy the Honey Nut goodness. Everything's great.

Towards the end of the day, I go back into the kitchen for a bottle of water and see my box of Cheerios sitting on the counter. No big deal--I'd just forgotten it from earlier that morning. I pick it up to take it back to my desk...and it feels significantly lighter. Notably. Uncharacteristically. Fine, I thought. Someone took some Cheerios, whatever.

I get back to my desk and something occurs to me. I stop in my tracks. I open the box. I shake it up and peer inside...and yes. Just what I suspected. The toy is GONE. I have nothing else to say about this, except that I feel like the Hulk up in this bitch.

Mr. and Mrs. Sheen

2008-06-18T17:52:00.010-04:00

Voicemail messages from Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards have recently been leaked onto the internet, and they're REALLY something. Here's an example:

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Message Received at 1:00pm

Yea, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you're a fucking liar. Okay. You're a fucking liar. So, you know what it's like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You're a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.

Whoa. What?! What a RANDOM thing to call her! In what capacity could he possibly have meant that? Any why am I laughing HYSTERICALLY every time I read it? It makes no sense. Unless he was making a vague reference to her role in Undercover Brother. Any thoughts?

(transcription courtesy of Perez Hilton)

A Matter of Etiquette

2008-06-12T20:54:00.005-04:00

Question.

If you gave someone a gift, and you're with them when they get complimented on it, and the person doesn't say anything about having gotten it as a gift from you, is that rude?

For example, you gave me a pair of earrings. We're out one evening and someone we knows says, 'oh, nice earrings.' I say, 'thanks,' and although you're standing right there, I don't mention that it was a gift from you. Would you feel snubbed?

Hulk, Take Two

2008-06-10T10:49:00.002-04:00

I went to a screening of The Incredible Hulk last night. As some of you may remember, Ang Lee's version in 2003 was maybe the worst movie to ever come out. It was slow-moving, unexciting, and the attempt to make it a piece of art totally overshadowed what a comic book movie it supposed to be all about. People were actually walking out of the theater when I went to see it. When Lee heard that a second "Hulk" was being made, without a number two in the title, he was "bewildered." He said, "I was very proud of the movie I made. It seemed strange that it was being treated as if it didn't exist." That's because it was a piece of shit, Ang. Just get what you can out of Brokeback.

The first and most important thing that I can say about this one is that whoever's mind it was in which it first occurred the thought hmm, maybe we should use Ed Norton, is a damn genius. I think he does for the Hulk, on a much larger and more significant scale, what Christian Bale did for Batman -- provided him with a new depth and context that really enhanced both the movie and the viewer's connection to it. Norton also had an unconventional amount of creative input into the making of the film. Zak Penn wrote the original draft of the script, and then Norton took it and basically rewrote it (but he's not getting any writing credit). I think he also made it clear that he wouldn't do the movie if it didn't turn out to be done in a way that he liked, which is less of a dick move and more of an actor (and a fan of the Hulk) wanting to make sure that he didn't get involved with a flop. Considering the first Hulk, I would say it was even necessary.

Anyway, it's a great summer movie; I definitely recommend that you go see it. There are a few surprise appearances and Tim Roth plays Abomination, which makes for an interesting fight towards the end. I heard some grumblings about Liv Tyler, but I thought she made an excellent Betty Ross. Her naturally calm demeanor does exactly what it's supposed to do for her character and for the Hulk. And let me just say again that Ed Norton is the freakin' man. Go see it and tell me what you think - about the movie in general and about the ending ;)

The View From My Floor

2008-06-05T15:56:00.004-04:00

This was taken the other day, after it rained. Kinda cool. That's the edge of Central Park and the river in the background. One nice thing about work, I guess. (Click on it to get the full effect.)

Breaking through the BLOCK

2008-06-05T15:25:00.005-04:00

Okay, yes, I'm going through my first blog slump. I'm ashamed, but you know what, it happens. Right? I've just been feeling a little uninspired. I don't wanna write about something that happened or occurred to me that you don't really give a damn about. But it's a strange science. Sometimes I blog about some random thing and get an uproar of response, and sometimes I spend a lot of time on a post and don't really get much of anything. Then I feel super lazy for posting a quotation or a video, but sometimes I wanna share those things, too. Such is the dilemma of a blogger, I suppose.

Anyway, here's a list of quirky things about me. Maybe you'll be interested. Maybe you won't.

*I always sleep with one leg sticking out of my blanket. No matter how cold it is, I have to have that one leg airing out. And no matter how hot it is, I have to sleep with a full down comforter.

*I'm very impatient when I order things. I'll track the package about a minimum of five times a day, and then once or twice after I get home from work. If I don't get a tracking number emailed to me, I'll call to ask for one.

*My top lip all but disappears when I smile really hard. It's okay though, I'm not weird about it.

*I curse people out in my head A LOT. Random people on the street who are walking too slow in front of me, people who don't get their wallets or Metrocards out until ALL their shit is rung up or they're standing right at the turnstile, old people, etc.

*I have the weirdest, most random, craziest dreams you could ever imagine. Did you ever watch "Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" on Nickelodeon? They had a machine that you could connect to your brain, kinda like a projector, and it would replay all the scares they did throughout the day so all the other monsters could discuss. I'm gonna work on developing one of those so that I can show people my dreams, because until you see them for yourselves, you'll never understand.

*I love carrot juice. Ever tried it? Delish.

*I sometimes speak in plurals. If you don't know what I mean, you may not spend enough time with me.

*I wish I knew more Guyanese and Indian people that are like me. (Not FOBS.)

Tell me some cool stuff about you that I probably don't know.

Stuff You Might NOT Wanna Know About...

2008-05-27T15:03:00.006-04:00

All I can say about the following two ads is, "why?"

This first one is for Playstation. I know advertising is supposed to make you want something, but this makes me never, EVER want to touch a Playstation ever in my life. And yeah, that's a thumb. A thumb. What's that supposed to be telling me?

This second one isn't ridiculous so much as the product itself. Why would you want to buy or eat these? Who thinks to himself, hey, I really feel like sending someone a box of chocolate assholes. If by chance you do, you can find them here.

Stuff You Might Wanna Know About

2008-05-23T10:49:00.001-04:00

I love to watch movies, and I know some of you do, too. So you might be interested in the following news:

*Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer Films are teaming up to make a movie out of a Ubisoft video game. It will be called "Prince of Persia: Sands of Time," starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Dastan and Gemma Arterton as Tamina. Production is slated to begin in July in Morocco and England. So they're going to make him look Persian? Hmm. I haven't seen a good video game adaptation since the first Resident Evil, but I played Prince of Persia (like twice) and might check this one out.

*Ben Barnes, who plays Prince Caspian in the new Narnia installment, has been cast as Dorian in the new adaptation of Oscar Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray," which will also begin production at the end of July. I'm very excited about this one because it's one of my favorite novels and I'm not into old movies, so I haven't seen the 1945 version, nor will I ever. They're "planning to make a visceral, dark horror story." Sounds delicious!

*Joseph McGinty Nichol, the director of the Charlie's Angels movies, has started up a new Terminator trilogy. The first movie will be called "Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins." Ehh, sounds a little cheesy. The GREAT news is that John Connor will be played by Christian Bale (yum!). No word yet on whether or not Ahnuld will be making a return. Production has already started and the movie will probably be released in May 2009. Christian apparently loved the script so much, that he signed up for all three installments. Do you think it's going to be good? Would you like to see the Cali governor back in his most famous role? Are you as excited as I am to see Christian in "Dark Knight?!?!?!?"

*On Monday in Cannes, Spike Lee announced that he'll be making a Michael Jordan documentary, which he'd like to bring to Cannes for next year's festival. "The project will feature previously-unseen footage shot by NBA cameras during the final two years in Jordan's career, the 2001-02 and 2002-03 seasons." Jordan is arguably the best player in the history of the NBA, but he's been out of the limelight for some time now. Would you still be interested in going to see a documentary of him?

***UPDATE***

Word on the street is that Hugh Heffner has signed off on Robert Downey Jr. to play him in his biopic, which is tentatively being called Playboy. That Downey is so hot right now!

Hurtin' for "Some Strange"

2008-05-21T11:29:00.008-04:00

Has anyone read the cover story of the most recent New York mag? It's called "The Affairs of Men," and the cover shot is of a "happily married" guy lying next to some chick in lingerie that's "not his wife." Hmm.

The basic premise of Philip Weiss' piece is that men need variety, they're hard-wired to want to monopolize the sex and emotional lives of as many women as possible, and that sexual exclusivity is unnatural and unfeasible. Someone he calls a "forward-thinking friend" claims that "we make the mistake of thinking some people have a stronger will, they don't." Is it safe to say that people, and women in particular, should man up and embrace the reality of never really being enough for someone, just by virtue of not being more than one person?

It's human nature to like variety. And maybe the idea of total monogamy is in fact unrealistic. If that's the case, why is marriage a (the?) primary institution in our society? Did Indian maharajas, who married multiple wives and also kept thousands of courtesans, have it right? In the words of Kris Kristofferson, we want constant and guilt-free access to "some strange."

"Why does society consider it more moral for you to break up a marriage, go through a divorce, disrupt your children's lives maybe forever, just to be able to fuck someone with whom the fucking is going to get just as boring as it was with the first person before long?" --Susan Squire, author of I Don't

Strange that there should be such a premium placed on monogamy when there exists this universal and hovering sense of inadequacy. What kind of magic is monogamy doing that it makes us believe that all of our intellectual, sexual, and emotional needs can be met by one person?

Some interesting things in this article, if you choose not to read it for yourself:

*Average number of partners for men throughout their lives is 35. For women, it's 6.

*27% of people have fantasized about someone else while in the act with their partner.

*Men can feel perfectly happy and satisfied with their partners, and still cheat.

*A woman's affair is more likely to be long, emotional, and undetected.

"A relationship is a myth you create with each other. It isn't necessarily true, but it's meaningful. The key to that myth is that the other person is enough for you. You know in your head that one other person isn't enough for you. But if you don't honor the myth, then it crumbles."

I know this post is long and probably somewhat byzantine, but I'm wondering if we just need to completely revamp our idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. If human nature necessitates variety in all aspects of life, including love/romantic relationships/sexual partners, then we need to get real and stop seeing marriage and monogamy as the only feasible options. If human nature is equally comprised of irrationality and emotions, then things like hurt, jealousy, betrayal, etc. prevent us from being ready to move past that courting-dating-marriage-kids model. So what's the solution?

Obama in Oregon

2008-05-19T12:16:00.002-04:00

The Truth

2008-05-16T14:23:00.007-04:00

"The truth is like the sun in that its benefit is entirely dependent on our distance from it."

Probably the realest statement in the history of all time. Kind of stings a little, huh?

The Morning (Night) After

2008-05-14T22:57:00.024-04:00

So, the concert was sick.

It opened up with Lupe Fiasco, who actually had a decent-sized audience for an opener. His album, The Cool, had just gone gold the day of the concert, which is perfect. (Pick it up; it's really, really good.) His performance was fantastic -- the flow and delivery were nasty, the words were clear and precise, his energy was nuts, and his set wasn't at all enhanced by any extraordinary lighting or stage props, but still GREAT. He mostly did songs from the new album, but also threw in some old stuff like, "Kick, Push." The audience showed him a lot of love, which I felt good about. He deserved it.

Next came Pharrell with N.E.R.D. The lights during this set were ridiculous. Just ridiculous. At some points it felt more like a rock concert than a rap one, with people tossing their heads back and forth, throwing up that Star Trek sign, and N.E.R.D. going nuts onstage. Lupe came out at one point to jump around with them. It felt like there should have been a mosh pit and the lights definitely reflected that frenetic/chaotic/sporadic feel, and it was awesome to be a part of. You couldn't help wanting to freak out with them.

Then Rihanna hit the stage, and the set was weak. She started singing other people's songs, including Beenie Man's "Girl Dem Sugah (Sim Simma)" and, in perhaps the night's worst moment, Lauryn Hill's "That Thing." Was she serious? But then Chris Brown made a guest appearance during "Umbrella" and I was appeased. Her set definitely brought down my high from an otherwise DOPE opening. A lot of people seemed to be enjoying her, though, so this is totally just my opinion. And her body was looking freakin' right in the black leather pants she changed into after this random goth ball gown.

Last, of course, came Kayne. Watching this dude perform is like watching a movie, or a Broadway play. The stage design kept changing, the lighting was intricate and fluid, and he weaved every song from "Graduation" into this plot about getting lost in space and finding his way back home. There was a talking spaceship, an ego-boosting alien ("We need the biggest star in the universe to save the ship...We need you, Kanye."), hologram video hoes and more. Kanye is a dramatist. I definitely felt bad for him at some points, laughed at his crazy dancing, felt inspired by his energy, and found myself screaming every lyric I knew, totally caught up in the whole thing. It was a show in the true sense of the word -- a true spectacle -- not a rap concert. It was really, truly something to see.

As a side note, the seats were great, and sitting a few feet to my left were Anthony Anderson, Jay-Z, Beyonce, John Legend, Quest Love, Angie Martinez, P. Diddy, and some other 'celebs.' It was kinda cool to see artists supporting another artist.

You can see more pics & some video clips here. And here's the Times review of the show, if you're interested. Tell me what you think. Enjoy!

You Can Be My Black Kate Moss Tonight

2008-05-12T10:48:00.012-04:00

This is where I'll be tomorrow night. The stage design is supposed to be NASTY, including stuff from Jim Henson's Creature Shop (of Muppet Babies fame), holograms, a robot designed by Christian Colon, and some really sick lighting. I did hear that Kanye got pissed about some lukewarm review of the concert in some other city. What are your predictions?

Cryster Barr, Chinese Style

2008-05-09T15:48:00.008-04:00

I've gotten some pretty weird fortune cookie fortunes before. The most notable has to be the one that said, "Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese bakery!" I'm sure it was meant to be humorous and fun, but I couldn't sleep that night. I knew it had to be a joke, but I thought...what if...what if someone was in fact trapped, and I got the fortune that could save his/her life? And I'm just lying here, in my bed in America. Doing nothing.

The Indian Ones

2008-05-05T12:24:00.005-04:00

"Hello, medem. This is Patrick 'O Brien. Are you heppy veeth your Dell?"

I'm going to follow up on a comment that was left by a friend of mine on the last post. Here's part of it:

"I am SO with you on the female customer service representatives. I HATE them. Especially when I call Dell and get the Indian ones (no offense!). But seriously, there are times that I do hang up and wait until I get a man."

No offense taken. You know what irks me the most about those Indian ones, though? It's not their accent or the fact that they call you after you've hung up with them to make sure everything is still okay with your computer. "Haylo medem, thees iss Jon frrrrom Dell. Jast vonted to make sho ebrything was tip top veeth your machine."

It's like, dude, I know your name isn't Jon. It's Ramlallpati Singh. It's Jaswinder Abishek Patel. It's okay, man, don't be ashamed. I'll call you Ram. But I know your name isn't Peter, son. I just feel kind of insulted when you introduce yourself as Kevin.

Am I a Misogynist?

2008-05-01T14:09:00.008-04:00

I don't think that's the word I'm looking for.

I thought that maybe I'm just not a feminist, but I do believe that women should have equal rights. Maybe it's that I'm old-fashioned? But there's a lot of shit about me and the way I think that's on the very far left of the progressive/liberal spectrum. And yet here I am, a firm believer in the following statements:

1. Female customer service representatives are completely incompetent. If you're ever calling Verizon, Apple, etc. and you hear "Hi this is (female name) from blah, how may I help you today?," please hang up and redial until you get a man. Trust what I'm telling you.

2. I like when a man tells me what to do. When I'm with a guy, I think I respect him more when he tells me not to wear something or go somewhere or talk to someone. Not, "I respect that you're independent but I don't feel comfortable with that dress." More like, "You're not going out like that, change." This extends into a sexual context, also, although I won't divulge those details here.

3. Women cry too freakin' much. It's a universal truth that men don't cry as often. Women cry always. I'll admit to being guilty of this. If a commercial about those 'ten cents a day' kids comes on with some cheesy piano music, my lip starts quivering. It's ridiculous.

4. I wholeheartedly believe that it's a woman's place to cook and clean (including laundry). Sure, I might like some help once in a while. But no man of mine is going to be whistling around the house with a handkerchief tied around his head and a mop in his hand with his sweats rolled up. No.

Any thoughts on this?

Something that annoys me: captchas

2008-04-28T13:17:00.005-04:00

You know when you're buying concert tickets or posting on someone's blog and they have that weird letter combination that you're required to type in? They're called "captchas." They're basically for security and ensure that people aren't hacking into the site to get tickets illegally or posting spam in your comments section. Which I'm down with.

But does it also have to be a test of my motor skills and literacy? Does it need to be a puzzle? Is there someone standing behind with a clipboard taking notes? Nodding with their glasses sitting on their noses and saying "hmm..."? Sometimes the letters are so twisty and wrenched out of their normal shapes that I just can't read them. I have to refresh and start all over again. I mean, am I really expected to be able to read what the fuck this says?

JKLOLZLMAOROFL

2008-04-25T17:09:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty much never laughing when I type "lol" or "haha." Most times, I'm not even smiling, which is pretty weird. Just imagine someone typing "lol" or "hahaha!" with a totally straight face. Or even a slight frown. And a furrowed brow. Kinda like this.

"LMAO! Hahahaha. That's hilarious."

I'm going to try to be true to myself, and more honest with you, by introducing "LLOL." It's not a typo. It just means that I'm literally laughing out loud. Like Jesus. Pretty simple, right? Watch it catch on like a California wildfire.

Women Who Play Video Games (and other blatant lies)

2008-04-24T14:44:00.011-04:00

This post is inspired by one of my favorite and most recently-discovered blogs, "Not Hating, Just Saying." Every day, they hate on a new thing in hilarious ways, and a recent post was about chicks who claim that they play video games. An excerpt:

"I'm not hating on girls who say they play video games, but no, you don't. Wait! I'm being totally unfair to you guys!!! I'm forgetting the half-hour that you played of Sonic the Hedgehog when you were nine! Remember that game? It was the one with the rings. You enjoyed it, because you got to collect rings! Yay!!! But then you quit because you couldn't figure out how work up enough spin to break through that wall. Remember? I know, it was really tough, I know."

Now, this post doesn't apply to me because I play and enjoy video games, and could even kick your ass in a few (Guitar Hero). But it does make me wonder when I overhear girls saying things that are blatantly untrue, always around a group of guys, that they think make them sound REALLY cool and 'different.' It's always a delicious treat when they're given the opportunity to display the talent they boasted about only to be revealed as a dirty liar. Some examples:

I can drink you under the table! No seriously, I can totally handle my liquor.
Omg I LOVE basketball/football/baseball/wrestling!! ESPN.com is my homepage. I have it on the 90-second reload.
Other girls hate me. I don't know why...
I'm not into drama.
I never gossip!
I don't care what people think about me/what I look like. I totally just grabbed these clothes from a heap on the floor and threw them on!

A male version is on the way. My favorite? "Seriously, I won't even try anything."

*(You're all wonderful. This post is all in good fun.)

10 Things I Hate About You, Part I

2008-04-21T16:36:00.014-04:00

"Hate" is a strong word, so I'm often hit with a tinge of regret right after blurting out that I hate something or someone. In most cases, I hate WHEN people doing something, as opposed to PEOPLE who do it. But sometimes, I do hate people. Oh yea I do. Here are some examples of the difference:

I hate when people yawn without covering their mouths. If they're sitting across from me on the train, I feel the need to turn sideways and count to ten lest their yawn breath wafts into my nostrils and/or mouth.
I hate people who spit on the street. I really hate people who make that noise right before they do it. You know, to summon it all up. Disgusting.

I hate when people judge other people based on one thing they know or may have heard about that person.
I hate people who form opinions without taking the time to acquire information.

I hate when people invade my personal space and, beyond every notion of social propriety, getthisclose to talk to me.
I hate people who stink and/or have terrible breath and have the gall to do the aforementioned.

I hate when people talk in the movies.
I hate people who bring their small/crying/don't even understand English yet babies to the movies. What the fuck are you thinking? Hmm?

I hate when people tYpe LiKe tHis On AiM oR iN eMaiLs (Yep, there are people who still do this dumb shit.)
I hate people who misspell things on purpose. Especially when the altered spelling does nothing apart from making you look retarded and elongating the word.

Catch my drift? You may know that it doesn't take much to annoy me, so look out for sequels.

A rat is a rat is a rat.

2008-04-20T15:34:00.003-04:00

Ratatouille has not made rats any cuter for me.

ADDENDUM: The rat's character (Remy) reminds me of Paul Giamatti. Anyone?