Open Letter to Dreams

Dear Dreams,

Books, toothbrush, drown, raisin pie, leotards, cockadoodledoo, Napoleon, word pizza, blue, plaster of paris, twins, JK Rowling, recycling program, prohibition, motor yacht, hat box, Pier 1 Imports, gravy, bones, Victor/Victoria, bathroom, stapler, birth, crash, prom, senate, ceramic flowers, iodine.

That's what it feels like, asshole.


[courtesy of McSweeney's]

If I Was a Rich Girl...

[2012 Lexus LFA]

Rajon Rondo

iTampon

Can YOU articulate why the iPad is so "revolutionary?"

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Real Talk: MTA

I saw this poster in the 2 train Wall Street station on Friday evening, fashioned after the MTA service change announcements:

If you can't read the bottom, it says:

How does this affect my trip?
You're not going anywhere.

Why is service being changed?
We are making service cuts because we want to screw you and make you think there's nothing you can do about it.

I like the campaign; it obviously voices what a lot of us are thinking when it comes to the weak ass MTA. This poster says "we want to make you think there's nothing you can do about it," but what is there to do about it besides complain? Are there any other, more proactive steps we can take that don't require taking time off from work to protest or waiting in line for lifetimes in some hostile government office? I can't think of any, and it does seem like there's nothing you can do about terrible service and higher MetroCard prices because people HAVE to use public transportation to get to work. Alternatives?

Conversational Chemistry

Have you ever had a phone conversation with someone for the first time, and the timing is just completely off? You start talking, and they've started talking at the same time. Then you stop to let them speak, but they've stopped to let you speak. Then you both start talking at the same time again. Then you stop but they keep going, so you've completely missed the first half of whatever they were saying. You both do that awkward, nervous laugh. Then there's an uncomfortable silence. Then you both start talking at the same time again. Christ!

It's not at all the case that you or the other person is especially long-winded or socially awkward. It's just that there is zero conversational chemistry there. You know what I mean?

Carmex

Dear Carmex user,

Why do you use this product? I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I understand that it's winter and you need something moisturizing for your lips. I understand that in many cases, you're a guy and don't care too much about what you put on your lips. But this stuff looks like earwax and smells like a medicated version of what I imagine earwax to smell like in a very concentrated form. When you apply this stuff to your lips and then speak to people, each and every word that comes out of your mouth smells like Carmex. If I run into you on a crowded train, this is a very unfortunate situation for me. When you dip your finger into the jar and rub in onto your lips, what do you do with the excess? Rub it on your hands, maybe? So now you have terrible-smelling breath and hands. Maybe you've just never thought about this, Carmex user. Maybe no one's felt comfortable enough to bring this to your attention. I just wanted you to know.

Sincerely,

Victoria

I'm SADS

My patio:

NBA Heartbreak

I think I genuinely got my heart broken just a little bit last night. After a 13-game winning streak, the Cavs lost in OT against the Nuggets last night -- at home. This is sad enough, but when LBJ lost his balance on that last shot and then missed it, the buzzer rang to signal the end of the game and I saw maybe the most heart-wrenching look on his face. He literally looked like he was about the cry and headed straight off the court towards the locker room. It looked something like this:

Okay, not quite. But the fact that it wasn't as prominent on his face was even sadder. It was a quick flash of a profound disappointment (triple double and all), and it was terrible to watch. Damn you, 'melo!

In other news, the Celtics beat the Lakers last night, but I don't feel very strongly either way about that. Ray Allen was having a great game and Rondo was the man as always, but Kobe wasn't playing and they lost their dominance in the 4th quarter. It just seemed lucky. The team is aging and it's definitely starting to show. The trade shakes things up a bit by adding Nate Robinson to the mix, but he's super inconsistent on the court. He's also small, which is awesome when you can slam dunk but not so awesome in the paint. I think it could be good though, so I'll definitely be watching his first game with Boston.


Other awesome trades: T-Mac to New York and Jamison to Cleveland. The Knicks' sending Jeffries to Houston clears up some cap space that some people think is leaving room for LeBron, but I just can't see how he could think that would be a good move for him. Obviously I'm getting a lot of heat about this since you're all Knicks fans and I know you want LBJ, but WHY would he do that to himself?! There are some great players on the Knicks right now, but they've shown year after year that throwing together a bunch of good players on a team doesn't add up to a championship. There. Start your hating.

I'll leave you with this one hilarious-slash-deeply-offensive final thing: The other day, an old friend of mine asked me if I would become a Knicks fan if LeBron came to New York. I said yes, I would support the Knicks with LBJ. He told me that mine was a typical female response, because rooting for your team even when you like players on another team is a difficult thing to do; it's more complex, and women are not capable of such a thing. LOL/WTF

Google Buzz

I hate Google Buzz. Here's why:

1. People are linking their Buzz to their Twitter accounts, which means I have to be doubly aware of what they're eating for breakfast, how they're spending their evenings, and how they feel about...everything.

2. You have to constantly be at your computer to follow what's happening, otherwise everything condenses and you have to expand each post to see how they developed. And it's always the original comment that's visible, as opposed to the most recent, which means I'm looking at the same thing all day unless I expand.

3. I hate seeing unread messages in my inbox. Google counts the number of new posts and puts it in bold parenthesis next to "Buzz," right under my e-mail, MAKING me click on it to get rid of the number.

4. I don't need to know EVERYTHING that's happening in EVERYONE'S life ALL the time. Buzz just feels like sensory overload to me.

5. I don't need to catch up with people while checking my e-mail. Sometimes, I just want to check my e-mail.

I know this makes me sound like a curmudgeon, and I do use Twitter, but sparingly. Then again, people felt this away about pretty much every staple technology that exists today. People thought the radio was sensory overload. They thought TV was going to melt brains (which it sort of does). They thought the internet would make people's heads explode. But in most cases, these things have made our lives a lot easier, and helped us (arguably) feel more connected to each other. I'm wondering if this is just another of those things, or if we've finally hit a wall and it really is enough at this point. I'm leaning towards the latter.