Something that annoys me: captchas

You know when you're buying concert tickets or posting on someone's blog and they have that weird letter combination that you're required to type in? They're called "captchas." They're basically for security and ensure that people aren't hacking into the site to get tickets illegally or posting spam in your comments section. Which I'm down with.

But does it also have to be a test of my motor skills and literacy? Does it need to be a puzzle? Is there someone standing behind with a clipboard taking notes? Nodding with their glasses sitting on their noses and saying "hmm..."? Sometimes the letters are so twisty and wrenched out of their normal shapes that I just can't read them. I have to refresh and start all over again. I mean, am I really expected to be able to read what the fuck this says?

JKLOLZLMAOROFL

I'm pretty much never laughing when I type "lol" or "haha." Most times, I'm not even smiling, which is pretty weird. Just imagine someone typing "lol" or "hahaha!" with a totally straight face. Or even a slight frown. And a furrowed brow. Kinda like this.






"LMAO! Hahahaha. That's hilarious."






I'm going to try to be true to myself, and more honest with you, by introducing "LLOL." It's not a typo. It just means that I'm literally laughing out loud. Like Jesus. Pretty simple, right? Watch it catch on like a California wildfire.

Women Who Play Video Games (and other blatant lies)

This post is inspired by one of my favorite and most recently-discovered blogs, "Not Hating, Just Saying." Every day, they hate on a new thing in hilarious ways, and a recent post was about chicks who claim that they play video games. An excerpt:

"I'm not hating on girls who say they play video games, but no, you don't. Wait! I'm being totally unfair to you guys!!! I'm forgetting the half-hour that you played of Sonic the Hedgehog when you were nine! Remember that game? It was the one with the rings. You enjoyed it, because you got to collect rings! Yay!!! But then you quit because you couldn't figure out how work up enough spin to break through that wall. Remember? I know, it was really tough, I know."

Now, this post doesn't apply to me because I play and enjoy video games, and could even kick your ass in a few (Guitar Hero). But it does make me wonder when I overhear girls saying things that are blatantly untrue, always around a group of guys, that they think make them sound REALLY cool and 'different.' It's always a delicious treat when they're given the opportunity to display the talent they boasted about only to be revealed as a dirty liar. Some examples:

• I can drink you under the table! No seriously, I can totally handle my liquor.
• Omg I LOVE basketball/football/baseball/wrestling!! ESPN.com is my homepage. I have it on the 90-second reload.
  
• Other girls hate me. I don't know why...
• I'm not into drama.
  
• I never gossip!
• I don't care what people think about me/what I look like. I totally just grabbed these clothes from a heap on the floor and threw them on!

A male version is on the way. My favorite? "Seriously, I won't even try anything."





*(You're all wonderful. This post is all in good fun.)

10 Things I Hate About You, Part I

"Hate" is a strong word, so I'm often hit with a tinge of regret right after blurting out that I hate something or someone. In most cases, I hate WHEN people doing something, as opposed to PEOPLE who do it. But sometimes, I do hate people. Oh yea I do. Here are some examples of the difference:


I hate when people yawn without covering their mouths. If they're sitting across from me on the train, I feel the need to turn sideways and count to ten lest their yawn breath wafts into my nostrils and/or mouth.
I hate people who spit on the street. I really hate people who make that noise right before they do it. You know, to summon it all up. Disgusting.

I hate when people judge other people based on one thing they know or may have heard about that person.
I hate people who form opinions without taking the time to acquire information.

I hate when people invade my personal space and, beyond every notion of social propriety, getthisclose to talk to me.
I hate people who stink and/or have terrible breath and have the gall to do the aforementioned.

I hate when people talk in the movies.
I hate people who bring their small/crying/don't even understand English yet babies to the movies. What the fuck are you thinking? Hmm?

I hate when people tYpe LiKe tHis On AiM oR iN eMaiLs (Yep, there are people who still do this dumb shit.)
I hate people who misspell things on purpose. Especially when the altered spelling does nothing apart from making you look retarded and elongating the word.

Catch my drift? You may know that it doesn't take much to annoy me, so look out for sequels.

A rat is a rat is a rat.

Ratatouille has not made rats any cuter for me.

ADDENDUM: The rat's character (Remy) reminds me of Paul Giamatti. Anyone?

Has This Ever Happened to You?

You're standing on a street corner, waiting for the light to change so you can cross. You see the light's about to go yellow, and you edge up off the curb. The person next to you edges up, too. You take another step. So does he. You stay put. He doesn't move. You step ahead of him. He steps ahead of you. Or...

You're in your car, waiting at a red light. Again, you see the other light about to go yellow, so you gently lift your foot off the brakes. The car next to you does the same thing. You stop. He stops. You start going through the light, he follows.

...Are we in some kind of race I don't know about? You just HAVE to be in front of me? You can't see me move without doing it, too? This also happens when I'm waiting for the train sometimes. I usually stand in a spot at which I know there will be a set of doors to open up right in front of me. To my dismay, other people are privvy to this strategy. The train starts coming, I start moving closer to that yellow line, and the six people around me scramble to get there, too. I could understand if you did it first. But would you have done it if you didn't see me getting there first? My guess is no.

The strangest part is that when I'm the one to move first, I become infuriated when people edge up behind me. "What the HELL is this guy's problem?!," I seethe. I've even yelled "Back up off me" in my head a few times. But when someone else is the first, I feel an irresistable urge to follow. I just. can't. stop. Am I alone here?

It begins.

Hello to all three people reading my blog! While starting one up is pretty exciting for me, it also comes with its share of embarrassment. You see, a lot of my good friends have blogs of their own and I've talked some kind of crap about each of them. I just had an issue with the overwhelming Gen Y "Hey, hey! Look at me! This is my life in photo album and wall post form! Pay attention! Am I cool? Do you like my new pic? Ok, now let me force-feed you all of my emo thoughts by posting my blog's URL wherever there's a blinking cursor!" attitude.

I've obviously changed my tune a little here, and it's mostly because reading my friends' blogs has shown me what intelligent, thoughtful, and funny people they are. The objective of mine isn't so much to showcase my writing or anything so formal. From time to time on this little space, I'll be sharing with you the shit that just occurs to me on a daily basis. Things that I'd probably want to talk to you about anyway, but will forget about by the time I see you again.

I understand that it can be a sad and lonely world for a blogger out here - posts left without comments, people yelling at you for not posting often enough, etc. But I think I'll give it a shot.

P.S. To avoid answering the same question more than once, "masala" is an Indian spice. 'Cause you know. I'm spicy. Also, there was a movie in the '90s called "Mississippi Masala," so the title is just a play on that.