Four Letter Words

Also, here's a fantastic clip from which I get a wonderful sense of schadenfreude.

Photoshop 101

What's wrong with this picture?

(Photo by Annie Leibovitz of Kate Winslet and her husband, Sam Mendes in Vanity Fair)

Is It A Hoax?

I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet and I'm so curious as to what people think about this whole Joaquin Phoenix thing. In case you're not familiar with the story, Phoenix has decided to quit acting in order to pursue his music (read: rap) career. He's supposedly working on an album with Diddy, and his career thus far consists of one on-stage performance featuring an inaudible 'song,' a half-assed booty shake and his falling off the stage. As I'm sure you've seen or heard by now, he made a vacuous appearance on David Letterman a few weeks ago. He was not only supremely out of it and absurdly cryptic, but also pretty rude (like when he stuck his gum under Letterman's desk). 

Casey Affleck is reportedly making a documentary about Phoenix's transition from actor to, umm, rapper. But the rumor is that the film will actually document Joaquin's wholly absorbing bout of Andy-Kaufman-style performance art, and that this bearded rapper is just his character. I've read in some places that Affleck was backstage at that Letterman show, but Phoenix's glazed-over catatonic-ness seemed pretty real to me. But then again, I do think he's an incredibly talented actor and could pull this off convincingly, if it is in fact a hoax. 

So on one hand, he genuinely seems like he's entrenched in some gripping drug abuse. On the other, he's super talented—and isn't it weird that Affleck, a friend of Joaquin's, would stand back behind the lens while his buddy's obviously in need of some serious help? I haven't seen Two Lovers, the film that he was on Letterman to promote, but I've read in various places that he gives a riveting and poignant performance in it. Can the transition to Alice-in-Wonderland madness be so quick as to make us believe that Letterman stunt was genuine? 

Check out the clips and let me know what you think. Is the real, present-day Joaquin Phoenix picture A above, or picture B? If it's not a hoax, I think it's a terrible shame that such a capable actor is wasting away in this sudden and self-made delusion. If it is a huge joke, then it's genius. Not only is he pushing this rumor that he's a rapper, but he's performing songs, consistently appearing on talk shows and in public in character, and really just fooling the world. The documentary is slated to be released next year, so we might have to wait until then to know for sure. 

Happy New Year!

Well it looks like this is my first post since last year, so happy 2009! And MLK Day! And Valentine's Day! And President's Day!

So let's see what's been happening.

1. I still hate my job. But lately I've been making some proactive moves and hoping they work out for the best.

2. Winter is STILL here!! Are you kidding me?

3. Chris Brown is a woman-beater. And that Rihanna photo is not that bad. She would look like that if she went to sleep with mad chapped lips and you caught her and took a really close shot. Yeah, I said it.

4. Barack Obama is President! Here's a lovely little collection of quotes from his memoir, Dreams of My Father, including "you ain't my bitch, nigga!"

5. Michelle Obama is on the March issue of Vogue, looking great. She's only the second first lady to be on the cover. (The first? HRC...sssss!)

6. I saw my brother perform with his little band at a concert thingy the other week and was way more impressed than I thought I'd be.

7. I got yelled at this past weekend. That hasn't happened to me in a while and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

8. Spring is almost here. Anyone taking any fun trips? Or is everyone too poor at the moment? Speaking of which...

9. The economy still really sucks. It hasn't hit me directly and I'm hoping that it continues to stay the hell away from me.

10. Chimpanzees KILL people!! Seriously. And what's up with that Indian guy in the lottery commercial saying, "orangootang" in the thickest Bombay back alley accent I've ever heard?

11. Ginger snaps from Whole Foods are the most delicious little delights ever. They're heart-shaped and full of ginger love.

12. This post is dedicated to Dmitry, Chris and Eleonore who, in their own ways, pushed me to write on this thing again.

13. Follow me on Twitter! I hated it at first but I'm now discovering its virtues. Try it.

14. Still reading "The Moor's Last Sigh," but almost done. Salman Rushdie is a genius and I'm so jealous of his ability to write like he's spinning some entirely different material out of language. Next is "The Reader." Everyone is saying the movie sucked but I quite liked it. Any suggestions for a good (great) book when that's done?

15. I'm blogging again!(?) Maybe. We'll see.

Where Are They Now?

I suppose this headline could also apply to me since I've been MIA on this blog for the past couple of weeks. But you know what? So have all of you at some point, so I have no apologies to make. 

Anyway, I was trolling the internet when I found this picture:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That is Lauryn Hill. This was taken on October 20 at a Williams-Sonoma store in Jersey. That is the former songstress and ex-Fugee with her three kids, posing with Martha Stewart at her book signing, looking straight up homeless. What's with those ashy ass lips? What happened to you, Lauryn?!

Are You ADHD?!

Pharrell "Freddy Sess" Williams has some tattoos that he wants to get rid of. It happens -- you get inked up when you're 17 or 18 and then you grow up and realize you did something dumb. Fair enough. It's HOW he's getting them removed that bothers me. The procedure he prefers involves using new skin to cover the ink. Says Pharrell in the July issue of UK Vogue:

"It's basically like getting a skin graft, but you're not taking skin from your ass or your legs. These guys actually grow the skin for you," he explains. "First you have to give them a sample of your skin, which they then replicate. Once that's been done, they sew it on - and it's seamless."

Umm, what? They grow skin for you? That's DISGUSTING!!! **gag**

A lot of you guys have tattoos. If money wasn't an issue, and knowing that getting your ink lasered off often hurts more than getting the tat itself, would you consider this procedure instead?

I'm So Ready.

Apparently lots of people are saying that Heath Ledger could win an Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker in Dark Knight. Director Kevin Smith recently saw the movie, and here's what he had to say, courtesy of his blog:

"Courtesy of Peter Sciretta over at SlashFilm.com, I caught an early screening of "The Dark Knight" yesterday evening. Without giving anything away, this is an epic film (and trust me: based on the sheer size and scope of the visuals and storytelling, that's not an overstatement). It's the "Godfather II" of comic book films and three times more earnest than "Batman Begins" (and fuck, was that an earnest film). Easily the most adult comic book film ever made. Heath Ledger didn't so much give a performance as he disappeared completely into the role; I know I'm not the first to suggest this, but he'll likely get at least an Oscar nod (if not the win) for Best Supporting Actor. Fucking flick's nearly three hours long and only leaves you wanting more (in a great way). I can't imagine anyone being disappointed by it. Nolan and crew have created something close to a masterpiece."

He dissolves into the role? It's the Godfather II of comic book movies? Hmm...I'm excited.

Mr. and Mrs. Sheen

Voicemail messages from Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards have recently been leaked onto the internet, and they're REALLY something. Here's an example:

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Message Received at 1:00pm

Yea, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you're a fucking liar. Okay. You're a fucking liar. So, you know what it's like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You're a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.

Whoa. What?! What a RANDOM thing to call her! In what capacity could he possibly have meant that? Any why am I laughing HYSTERICALLY every time I read it? It makes no sense. Unless he was making a vague reference to her role in Undercover Brother. Any thoughts?


(transcription courtesy of Perez Hilton)